awe

i watched the twirling skirts in front of my eyes whilst perched on a lazy slouched beat up old chair

feet stamping faster faster faster

the poetry of jazz louder sweeter purer

whispers that that musicians has ‘it’

that which alludes us all

swirling thick clouds of smoke cloak the air

light dark light dark flashes of apocalypse

align themselves across my drunken visions

of love and madness alike love and madness

café filled ears and tobacco invaded nostrils

comfort and chaos are one at cataclysmic climax

i am pulled up and spun round

coppery sounds and golden eyes hooting now

i blink. it is the end of maths class.

sunny hilly steam train travels

freight trains, boxcars

autumnal americana scenes

in clips from films.

fragmented sketches of other people’s memories

pieced into one infinite tumultuous daydream.

the mud grey sky filled with black steam.

it is not as wonderful as a dream

but starry eyes make it whole.

rosy visions contrast blue sky

and iridescent lakes with pollution unfound.

ephemeral glances westwards

to the beckoning crowds

silently screaming in desperation that

life is a trap and death is the end.

I cling to an abstract idea of someone up above

As I am ceaselessly hurt by human love.

Our fickle hearts beat faster in dreams of fantasies untold;

Left unsaid, undone, unlived when I die and get old.

Lust and desire set my mind in a trance

And my heart still yearns for cliched romance.

Trust is an issue and even art can lie

Oh well, you’ll never love me by and by.

Control

You never wanted to get up
But they said you had to go.
You didn’t want to do that
But they said it must be so.

Your friends they upped and left you.
You didn’t want that too.
You didn’t want the tears and worry
With the words ‘get into twos.’

You didn’t like the way he touched you
But you let him; it’s the thing to do
You didn’t like the music, the darkness
And the people asking ‘who are you?’

So by the time you drank the liquor
You liked it and drank some more
No one told you to this time
Alone on your bedroom floor.

Those Girls

They are the girls who light up the room
They are the girls who are never alone
They are the girls whose only worries are boys
They are the girls who can join in with jokes
They are the girls at the parties
The ones who chat to the boys
And maybe go upstairs.

They are the girls with straight hair
Long eyelashes
They are the girls who talk freely loose lipped
They are the girls who never have to worry about sharing too much

They are the girls who still have problems
Because most people do.
I am the girl who sits all alone
I am the girl who no one asks home
I am the girl in drunk tears
I am the girl who is not like those girls
But I wish I was.